A child cries in kindergarten: advice from a psychologist

For a child, entering kindergarten is a significant milestone. It’s a strange place with strange people, customs, and expectations. Crying is a common way for a child to express their natural feelings of being overwhelmed. Hearing about their child crying at drop-off or during the day can be very distressing and perplexing for many parents.

Although a child crying in kindergarten is common, this doesn’t make it any easier for parents to deal with. It can ease this transition if you know why kids cry in these circumstances and how to comfort them. As a child gets used to this new experience, there are strategies to help them feel more at ease and self-assured.

We’ll discuss tips from psychologists in this post on how to support your child through the emotional highs and lows of starting kindergarten. We will discuss useful tactics and advice to reduce their worry, improve their coping mechanisms, and increase their resilience as they embark on this thrilling new phase of their lives.

In kindergarten, crying is frequently an indication of emotional distress and a need for support and sympathy. Psychologists advise that parents and educators can support their children by acknowledging their emotions, offering comfort, and establishing a secure and friendly atmosphere. Incorporating easy-to-remember objects from home, having regular routines, and having calm conversations can all help the child adjust to kindergarten more easily and feel more secure and content.

Types of children

• Well-adapted. If your baby is exactly like this, then both you and he are lucky. Usually, such children are open and friendly, so they quickly make new acquaintances, immediately winning over others. They are not afraid of new situations if they do not pose an obvious threat, so they feel as confident in kindergarten as in any other place.

Their stable mental state allows them to handle being separated from their parents with great calm, so even in a nursery at a very young age, they will feel at ease. Regretfully, the number of these kids is quite low.

• Average adaptability. The absolute majority of children can be called such. They will be scared and uncomfortable in kindergarten for the first time, but this is only the first time. Such a child usually cries in kindergarten only on the first day, and even then – not all the time, but only in the first couple of hours. Then adaptation occurs – the baby sees that nothing threatens him, and they treat him well, little by little he begins to communicate with others and gradually becomes his own.
• Poorly adaptable. The percentage of children of this type is also relatively low, but they are capable of making life very difficult for their parents. They are very attached to mom and dad, and completely lose confidence in their absence and in an unfamiliar situation. The worst thing is that such a baby does not get used to it, he cries equally hard when he goes to kindergarten for the first time, and when he has been there for the second month. For certain reasons, it is difficult for him to find friends, which only aggravates the problem.

According to psychologists, this kind of child should start kindergarten at age four, so if there’s a chance to wait on admission, that would be preferable.

Objective reasons

If children of all the listed types are in exactly the same circumstances, then the classification as described is appropriate; however, in reality, this is not the case. It’s likely that you’ve observed that while one job may appear appealing, switching to another would be equivalent to working hard. However, there are sometimes temporary as well as permanent reasons for a child’s desire or refusal to attend a particular kindergarten or job. By identifying and removing these causes, the issue of the child’s tears can be resolved. What you should be aware of is as follows:

• Poor adaptation – a universal answer to the question of why children do not want to go to kindergarten, but psychologists use this term only if the child is repelled and frightened by literally everything in an unfamiliar environment. But this concept can be broken down into a number of smaller and more specific reasons: some don’t like to get up early and go somewhere in any weather, others don’t feel confident in a group (the question is – in any group, or in this one), others simply don’t want to listen to strangers.

For the same reasons that you don’t always enjoy going to work, you have the power to change it and make your own decisions; the infant can only whine and complain.

• Sometimes the reason for crying is in not very good health. The child could just have a cold, but this is already a runny nose and headache. In such a situation, adults are not very cheerful, and it is even more difficult for children to endure discomfort. At the same time, any kindergarten creates ideal conditions for the transmission of any infections – there are many children here, each of whom has not yet strengthened their immune system.

• Sometimes children in kindergarten are trivial missing parents. It is clear that everyone misses them the first time, but some are so used to the fact that they are constantly looked after that now they are simply lost and do not understand what to do and how to behave. We are talking about the lack of independence – perhaps, over time, the baby will gain it, but for now you will have to be patient.
• Children really need communication – to a much greater extent than adults. As the classic said, nowhere do you feel so lonely as in a crowd and this can also fully apply to children. It seems that no one offends, but there is no special attention to you – how can you not be despondent?

• The reason for an acute reluctance to attend kindergarten may be the behavior of other children. It is no secret that children are quite cruel creatures, simply because they do not yet realize how much they are capable of offending another person. They can tease and call names, but at this age, the object of ridicule does not yet know how to critically treat such situations and remain indifferent. Some start calling names in response or even start fighting, and some get offended, feel rejected by the group and cry.
• The funniest thing is that in some cases the crying of a child in kindergarten is provoked by the mother herself, bringing the baby. She is very worried, leaving her beloved child for the whole day in the company of other people"s children, under the supervision of a good, but also strange aunt, so she can demonstrate her excitement or, even worse, even shed a tear. Children are very sensitive to such things and easily project their parents" emotions onto themselves. Simply put, such behavior of the mother frankly scares them.

What parents should not do in such a situation?

While the majority of parents genuinely hope that their child won’t cry at the mention of kindergarten, the ways in which they accomplish this goal are occasionally quite unexpected. Avoid doing anything that might make the issue worse; maybe this will even be sufficient:

• Some psychologists do not advise sending children to kindergarten at the age of 3-5 (that is when this usually happens in our country), because at this stage children undergo a complex re-evaluation of the world around them and themselves in it. They believe that it is better to send the child before the age of 3 – this way he will adapt faster.
• If the child has already gone to kindergarten and constantly cries there, don"t even think of scolding him for this. Firstly, aggression will frighten him even more and will become an additional reason for tears, secondly, understand – he is just little and needs protection.

• You should not force the child to promise that he will not cry anymore and it is even more pointless to appeal to the fact that he promised. Even adults do not always keep their consciously given promises, and for a child this ritual is generally a complete abstraction, he does not yet understand its essence, and may simply forget. After all, he"s not crying because he wants to get you, but because he can"t solve some problem of his own, so it would be better if you helped him with this.
• In no case You cannot ridicule children"s fears, and you also do not need to complain about this problem to anyone in the presence of the culprit himself. At kindergarten age, he is already able to compare himself with other children and it is very important for him to feel that his parents still love him, and here the elders, it turns out, are dissatisfied with him.
• The height of parental stupidity is scare the baby that for constant crying he will be left in kindergarten forever. By doing this, you create a clear association “kindergarten is a punishment”, and who would agree to endure punishment every day, even with breaks at night?

For the same reason, even if your criticism of a teacher is justified, you shouldn’t criticize them in front of kids. It’s hard to explain to a kid why you are purposefully giving him to an aunt you yourself called bad.

• Don"t even think about leaving your child at home just because he cries and refuses to go to kindergarten. If he doesn"t want to go there today, then why should he want to tomorrow? His opinion might change if he went there and saw that it wasn"t so bad, but if the reasons for his reluctance are quite specific, let him say them directly. By indulging in tears, you will simply spoil the child and lose control over him.
• Children are afraid that their parents, having left them in the kindergarten, will not come for them – dissuade the child from the possibility of such a development of events, but don"t use the word "soon". Children of younger kindergarten age have a very relative idea of ​​time, especially since you have not left them alone for a long time before, so "soon" is a matter of minutes. Time passes, but mom still doesn"t come – it turns out she didn"t keep her promise. This means she may not come at all, and this is already a good reason to cry.

A child may cry when they first enter kindergarten. It can feel strange and overwhelming to be in this new setting. It is crucial for parents to be understanding, patient, and encouraging while letting their kids adjust at their own speed.

Talk to your child honestly about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Invite them to share their interests and difficult experiences. Reiterate happy memories and reassure them that their feelings are acceptable and natural.

Collaborating with kindergarten educators can also have a significant impact. They can provide understanding of your child’s behavior and assist in identifying transition-easing techniques. Your child will most likely adjust and feel more at ease in this new setting with some time, love, and patience.

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