Aggressor in short pants

When a group of kids is playing, have you ever noticed that one of them is constantly pushing, shoving, or removing toys? When a young child exhibits aggressive behavior, it can be startling. The behavior of these "aggressors in short pants" may cause parents to feel anxious, irritated, or even guilty.

Helping young children who act aggressively requires an understanding of their reasons. Is this merely a passing phase, or is there a more serious issue? These behaviors are frequently the result of a confluence of feelings, developmental stages, and a need for communication.

Let’s investigate the causes of aggressive behavior in young children and learn strategies parents can use to help their children navigate this difficult stage in a healthy and productive manner.

Why children hit their parents, and how to quickly and effectively stop it

• Inability to express their negative emotions
• Need for attention
• Behavior of a victim of aggression
• Copying someone else"s behavior
• Testing the boundaries of what is acceptable
• Lack of physical activity

That is, when a child bites, hits, or pinches you? demonstrates physical hostility? This is an issue that needs to be resolved as soon as possible! However, let’s agree that a child’s behavior is neither good nor bad before we begin our debriefing; let the yard grandmothers handle these classifications. It is important to keep in mind that a preschooler’s actions could be the result of issues he is going through. You can’t start changing the child’s behavior until you’ve identified them.

So why might a child act aggressively toward their parent or another close adult?

Emotions "go crazy"

Preschoolers still struggle greatly with emotional regulation. However, he is a living person with emotions like joy, sorrow, fear, and even rage. The infant’s temperament currently tells him how to express his anger because he is unable to demonstrate them correctly at this time. Physical action is also the most basic type.

Furthermore, it might not just be anger; children between the ages of three and four struggle to distinguish between different emotions and sometimes act aggressively in response to boredom or disappointment. Strictly forbidding emotional behavior can cause the child to lose fundamental life skills and possibly never learn to recognize his own mental states. That is to say, simply prohibiting them from hitting you won’t work.

Redirect the child’s focus inwards, if possible. Find out how he is feeling, talk about it, and provide alternative ways for him to express his feelings, like singing, beating a sofa cushion, drawing a grudge, or shouting them out the window or into an empty jar.

It can be difficult for parents to comprehend why their young child is acting out when they turn into the "aggressor in short pants," especially when the child is so young. Parents can help their children learn more constructive ways to express their emotions by helping them identify the underlying causes of their frustration, attention-seeking behavior, or communication problems. It is possible to guide a child through these behaviors and lay the groundwork for positive social skills with patience, empathy, and well-defined boundaries.

I don"t know how to do it any other way!

You might be surprised to hear that children can occasionally express very positive emotions, including love, in an aggressive way. He already sees that physical interactions such as kisses, hugs, and stroking indicate a person’s closeness to another person. Not He keeps acting in the same physical way to try to get your attention a little more. For him, there’s nothing more terrifying than being abandoned and not receiving your attention.

Suggestion: A child who bites, pokes, or pinches you out of the blue is clearly trying to get your attention. Ask him if he wants to play with you right away, give him a hug, tell him you love him, give him a kiss, and, in other words, model proper physical affection.

What goes around comes around

What will happen if you don’t demonstrate the correct behavior? Well, then the child will mirror what he sees! If the child himself often gets into trouble, he will also raise his hand to his neighbor, and there is no escape from this. Both parents and friends can hit the child. The target of retaliatory aggression is not necessarily the one who raised his hand to the child, the blows may well be “readdressed”. If you are not inclined to assault, and the child has demonstrated such behavior, it is worth figuring out whether he has become the object of aggression from someone else. If this is confirmed, it is again necessary to discuss the situation and the emotions he experienced. And be sure to tell the baby how it hurts you when he beats you.

Advice: Delete the idea of using physical force permanently, even if you believe that slaps or pushes are harmless. Look for another way to express your feelings or to punish yourself.

A bad example is contagious

Moreover, the child himself may not be the object of aggression. It is enough that he became a witness to it. Back in the early sixties of the last century, an experiment was conducted that went down in history under the name "Experiment with the Bobo doll": psychologists Albert Bandura, together with his colleagues Dorothea Ross and Sheila Ross, gathered boys and girls with an average level of aggression and divided them into two groups. One of them saw how an adult showed aggression towards a doll, the curator of the second group behaved more naturally. Babies, in whose presence people behaved aggressively, quickly began to copy this particular behavior model, and the aggression in their manifestation was stronger than that of the role model.

Simultaneously, it was discovered that reprimanding the perpetrator in front of the child has an educational effect. The child understands that this is not possible.

Seek out a "bad example" as advice. If your child’s friends don’t have any problems and your family is running smoothly, you might want to restrict their access to cartoons and movies where characters bully others without consequence. You should also avoid encouraging them to play violent video games where winning requires using aggression. Unfortunately, your kid is far too impressionable!

And so – you can?

The child is experimenting. Not long ago, he was completely dependent on you, and now he can dress himself, wash himself, eat, take a toy or refuse to play… He is trying to understand what else the environment will allow him to do, what – no, what force of influence he will agree to, and where he will put up a barrier. This does not mean that he hits you with the cold curiosity of an experimenter, but when angry, the baby understands that he has a choice, and consciously goes for extreme interaction. If he does not meet resistance, he will try to move a little further, until he meets confident opposition.

In any case, your compliance is bad for the baby because neurosis can be caused by permissiveness just as easily as by incessant restrictions!

Suggestion: It matters how the parent establishes the limits of what is acceptable. Asking yourself straight-forward questions will help here: do you enjoy it when a child slaps your hand, even if it’s not very hard? And on the limb or on other body parts? And if he gives you a leg, an arm, or something else instead of a hand? If something bothers you, let the baby know right away and stop the blow before he gives it to you. A drop wears away a stone, so maybe you’ll have to do this more than once.

Although managing an aggressive child can seem overwhelming, keep in mind that this behavior is frequently a cry for assistance. Try to be understanding and patient with children when they act out because they lack the language or skills to communicate their feelings.

Establishing a secure, orderly environment and teaching your child constructive coping mechanisms for their emotions can have a significant impact. They can learn to better control their emotions with the aid of open communication, boundaries that are well-defined, and positive reinforcement.

Remember to look after yourself as well. It can be difficult to parent an aggressive child, but you’re not the only one. If you need assistance, ask friends, family, or professionals. You and your child can work together to discover a way forward.

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