After the birth of their child, many mothers experience an overwhelming range of emotions. Although the main emotions are love and joy, mothers may also experience frustration and even anger, which can make them doubt who they are. It’s critical to realize that these feelings are normal and do not determine your suitability as a mother.
Having a newborn can be very demanding in the early going. Anybody can be driven to their breaking point by sleep deprivation, unceasing tears, and the demands of raising a newborn. Being angry is just a sign of being a human adjusting to this new reality, not a sign of a bad parent.
This article looks at the potential causes of these feelings, how to deal with them, and—above all—how to treat yourself with kindness during this demanding but worthwhile period.
| Question | Answer |
| Is it normal for a mother to feel anger towards her newborn? | Yes, it can be normal. Motherhood can be overwhelming, and feeling anger or frustration doesn’t make a mother bad. |
| What causes these feelings? | Sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and the challenges of caring for a newborn can trigger these emotions. |
| Does this mean the mother doesn"t love her baby? | No, feeling anger doesn"t mean the mother loves her baby any less. It"s important to address these feelings, but they don’t define her love or ability to care for her child. |
| What can a mother do when she feels this way? | It"s important to take a break, talk to a partner or friend, and seek support. Self-care is crucial for managing these emotions. |
After giving birth, it’s normal for a mother to experience feelings of overwhelm, frustration, and even anger. However, this does not make the mother a bad mother. It can be physically and emotionally taxing to care for a newborn, but rather than feeling guilty or ashamed, it’s critical to acknowledge these emotions and get help when needed. The way a mother controls these feelings and concentrates on giving her child love and care is what matters most.
- Anger instead of joy in a young mother
- Control of feelings
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Anger instead of joy in a young mother
As soon as a woman catches herself being openly angry at her long-awaited baby, she is overcome with panic. What"s wrong with me? I don"t love him? He"s bad? Or am I bad? (After all, good heroes don"t get angry at good people, especially at their closest and dearest.) Everyone says that a mother is the most loving, understanding and patient person, ready to give her life for her own flesh and blood. And I am ready, and I have no one more precious to me. But right now, when he screams – no, he screams non-stop for the second hour in a row – I just hate him. I"m angry that because of him I can no longer have fun with friends, and my husband goes to parties and goes skiing alone. It drives me crazy that my child is constantly being capricious, and my mother tells me what calm children my brother and I were. I wisely planned out my entire maternity leave in advance so that I could do everything; I imagined what a happy family we would be. But the baby has no semblance of a routine, I can’t cope with things even halfway, and from fatigue and lack of sleep everything falls out of my hands. What’s wrong with me? Why do I have such a child? Where did that happiness of motherhood that I was waiting for so much get lost? Such feelings towards the baby do not fit into our culture. Sharing your “it drives me crazy” and “I hate you” means bringing down a hurricane of criticism. And the first among those who want to criticize will be our own “I”. A stern inner voice will immediately inform you that a real mother is supposed to be touched exclusively, feel tenderness and compassion, be patient. Otherwise, why did she give birth? But a living woman is not a heroine of myths and fairy tales, she is much more complex. She cannot feel one thing at the behest of others and not feel everything else. Only a robot can be programmed with a strict program. Only a fictional character can be endowed with a one-sided set of emotions. A real person cannot be so neat, correct and feeling “by the book”. At least, not for long, because he quickly turns into a non-viable creature. That is why you should not believe in fairy tales about “white and fluffy”, invariably happy, never tired mothers. But at the same time, you need to remember that even a very tired mother can be very happy. Even in anger, she can be loving and continue to take care of her baby. Despite the sadness about some of the past pleasures of her past life, a woman can sincerely enjoy the first meaningful smile of her baby. Worried that her child turned over, sat up, walked or started talking later than his peers, she can simultaneously experience maternal pride and believe that her child is the best. One thing is important here – accept your right to various feelings, do not drive them away in horror, do not condemn yourself. Stop dividing your emotions into "bad" and "good", "right" and "wrong", "acceptable" and "inadmissible". Once feelings have arisen, it means they have the right to exist. By cutting them off, prohibiting them, a person rejects a part of himself, as if cutting off a piece of his own living flesh. In fact, the so-called "bad" feelings are dangerous only if they are not under the control of their owner.
Control of feelings
The most reliable way to control feelings is to be aware of them. If you drive "wrong" feelings into a dark corner of the subconscious with a dirty broom, then sooner or later they will cause mischief there, and, in the end, they will still break out in the most undesirable form – up to real aggression towards the child and yourself. And, conversely, if you drag “inappropriate” feelings out into the sunny yard, get to know them better, and regularly look after them, they will turn into fairly harmless, and sometimes useful companions. (For example, irritation can be used as a signal that it is time to slow down in the endless maternal chores; and if this is not possible right now, then at least feel sorry for and console yourself, promise a rest in the near future.)
It’s critical to keep in mind that experiencing anger as a new mother is a normal aspect of the emotional process. It can be extremely difficult to adjust to a newborn’s demands, and frustration can result from stress, sleep deprivation, or just feeling unprepared. The most crucial thing is to identify these emotions and come up with constructive coping mechanisms.
Anger does not equate to a bad mother. What counts most is how the anger is managed. These moments of frustration can be lessened by pausing, seeking support, and asking for assistance. Every mother is entitled to patience—both from others and from herself.
Ultimately, it’s about developing, learning, and becoming more aware of your own needs as well as those of your infant. Understanding and self-compassion will eventually guide you through this difficult but rewarding stage of motherhood.
