All parents desire to raise a contented, well-behaved child, but what happens when your child begins to fight with you? Particularly when the arguments increase in frequency or intensity, it can be perplexing and distressing. Many parents find it difficult to know how to react, wondering if they should be understanding, firm, or both.
Renowned pediatrician Dr. Komarovsky provides helpful guidance on navigating these difficult times. His strategy is centered on comprehending the underlying causes of the behavior and identifying workable solutions to disputes without jeopardizing the parent-child bond.
In this post, we’ll look at Dr. Komarovsky’s advice on handling arguments with your kids and how to foster a happier, healthier environment at home.
| Problem | Dr. Komarovsky"s Advice |
| Child is acting aggressively towards parents | Stay calm and avoid yelling. Explain that fighting is not the way to express emotions. |
| Frequent fights over daily routines | Set clear boundaries and keep a consistent schedule. Offer choices to give the child a sense of control. |
| Child refuses to listen | Use positive reinforcement. Praise good behavior to encourage cooperation. |
| Child feels misunderstood | Take time to listen and understand their emotions. Let the child express feelings without judgment. |
| Fights escalate into physical conflicts | Teach conflict resolution skills and show by example how to handle disagreements peacefully. |
- Why does this happen
- Komarovsky on the problem
- Important
- Other ways to wean off aggression
- Video on the topic
- What to do if a child throws objects when angry? – Doctor Komarovsky
- Dr. Komarovsky on what to do if a child fights with parents
- A child bites and fights | What to do?
- ShDK: Child aggression: what should adults do. Calcium. Kindergartens in France – Dr. Komarovsky
Why does this happen
Babies fight as a way to release their pent-up aggression. As early as six months, many mothers catch the first attempts at doing this. The child can’t talk yet, but he already knows how to yell quite angrily and desperately when something doesn’t go his way by arching his back like a "wheel." Children can start to pinch a little later. A baby can bite fairly well after a year, and a one-year-old does this not intentionally, but rather because he is still developing his ability to appropriately handle negative emotions.
The age at which protests become the most "problematic" is around two or three years old. Here, even kids who were previously quiet and collected can start acting aggressively and irritably.
But a three-year-old brat who is accustomed to using his teeth and fists to solve problems at home and in kindergarten ought to raise more serious concerns in the minds of parents. It is inexplicable that the only age step and minor aggressive hooliganism in 2-3 years occurred. The main causes are typically inadequate speech development, which makes it difficult for them to express their emotions through words, persistent adult neglect, and occasionally signs of a neurological or psychiatric illness.
Psychologists nearly all agree that parents, especially the mother, are the primary cause of children’s unconscious aggression. Child psychologists have access to statistics showing that four out of ten children have attempted to use force against family members at least once. In half of these cases, the issue escalated to the point where the child was acting as a true tyrant within the family.
The most common complaint from parents of aggressive kids is that their child bites, spits, hits adults, and even throws random objects.
Komarovsky on the problem
Reputable pediatrician Evgeny Komarovsky has seen these kids several times in his practice. He flatly rejects the psychologists’ assertion that you should be patient, correct the young dictator in a calm manner, and persuade him—in words, of course—that "it hurts mom and grandma."
In the upcoming video, we will discuss every facet of children’s aggression with Dr. Komarovsky.
According to Eugeny Olegovich, soft and democratic pedagogical approaches are ineffective in this circumstance. And in rare instances when they do function. This occurs because one of the strongest innate human tendencies from ancient times is aggression, which is nothing more than an instinct. Additionally, no pedagogical strategy can defeat instincts.
The only thing that works in most situations involving small fighters is to respond in the same way. Parents should never ignore their children’s aggressive behavior; instead, they should react to every bite or blow right away as an adult "victim."
If you are bitten, Komarovsky suggests biting back; if you are hit, follow suit. Adults must, of course, gauge the appropriate level of force, but in order for the child to learn from experience what is hurtful and offensive, the response cannot be overly gentle.
Furthermore, following this "identical response," Evgeny Olegovich counsels mothers to comfort a wailing or screaming child as little as possible.
Watch Dr. Komarovsky’s upcoming episode if you’re curious about how to deal with an unruly child.
Evgeny Komarovsky highlights that retaliatory, albeit restrained, aggression cannot be interpreted as a sign of the mother’s lack of love for the child, and vice versa.
You are not likely to want to raise a pathological personality with a sense of his own impunity and permissiveness if you truly love him.
According to Dr. Komarovsky, it’s critical to maintain composure, identify the source of the child’s annoyance, and handle the matter patiently when a child fights with their parents. Parents should demonstrate empathy and set firm boundaries to help their child express their emotions in a healthy way, rather than reacting emotionally. Reducing conflicts and strengthening family ties can be achieved through encouraging open communication and upholding a steady emotional environment.
Important
Behavior toward the child should not change, unless there was a conflict and you used Komarovsky’s method to give the small aggressor a firm rebuff. Mom ought to continue being the same loving, caring, and helpful person. The child will then start to develop another very helpful instinct, according to a well-known pediatrician; he will learn to respect adults and strong people, comprehend that it is preferable to avoid causing unpleasant reactions, and be able to quickly make the connection between his pain from your bite and yours during his aggressive behavior.
Attacks on peers and adults will eventually decrease in frequency until they vanish completely and are forgotten.
Other ways to wean off aggression
Psychologists provide a variety of techniques. A few are determined by distance. When a baby bites his mother, she just pulls away and ceases talking to him. Thus, each time the youngster exhibits negativity.
The majority of child psychologists and social educators concur that children should be taught to "speak out" about their negative emotions from a very young age. "I am offended because," and "It upsets me because."
When kids fight and scream uncontrollably, throw things, smash dishes and furniture, and engage in other particularly challenging behaviors, it’s best to get in touch with an expert so that you can work together to find a solution. At times, a child requires medical assistance.
It’s common for kids to push boundaries and occasionally argue with their parents. Despite their challenges, these are times when both parties can grow. The first step to peacefully and respectfully resolving conflict with a child is to understand why they act out.
According to Dr. Komarovsky, it’s important to be patient, communicate clearly, and establish consistent rules. Parents can help their children through these challenging emotions by modeling positive behavior and helping them through their own angry reactions. This strategy fosters mutual respect and trust over time.
Remember, disagreements arise in every family. It matters how we respond to them. Parents can teach their children important lessons about relationships and emotional regulation by remaining composed and compassionate.
