The difficult task of weaning their child from constant holding is one that many parents encounter. Although it’s normal for infants and young children to seek solace in their parents’ arms, carrying them all the time can get tiresome and unfeasible. Renowned pediatrician Dr. Komarovsky provides clear-cut guidance on how to support children’s independence development without adding to parental stress or frustration.
Removing a child from the embrace does not imply denying them affection or care. Teaching them to explore their surroundings while maintaining a sense of safety and support is the goal. Dr. Komarovsky highlights the value of a gradual approach in which kids are allowed to play and move around freely without always needing to be carried.
Parents can establish a well-balanced environment that fosters both physical independence and emotional security by heeding Dr. Komarovsky’s advice. This post will walk you through his suggestions and provide helpful tips to help your child through this change more easily.
According to Dr. Komarovsky, weaning a child from frequent holding should be a gradual process that takes into account the child’s emotional needs. He underlines how crucial it is to provide the child a sense of security by employing diversionary tactics, offering stimulating activities, and promoting independent play. This method, in his opinion, keeps things from changing suddenly and prevents emotional distress in kids by fostering a sense of independence and parental closeness.
- About the problem
- To rock or not to rock
- How to wean
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About the problem
A newborn is "on the same wavelength" with his mother during the first few hours after birth; their psychological dependence on one another persisted even after the umbilical cord was cut. And the child expresses it more to a greater extent. It follows that tactile contact with his mother is highly significant for a child who is not well-oriented in the large world he has found himself in. When a mother holds a restless baby in her arms, the infant senses her presence, hears her voice, recognizes the smell, and eventually settles down.
From the earliest moments of their child’s independent life, mothers take advantage of this. He moaned in the crib, and his mother ran to get him.The baby had colic, and her mother was there, holding him. The child quickly learns that all it takes to get mom is an angry scream or, at the very least, a loud snore. But infants younger than two months old are essentially incapable of misusing trust, and they genuinely beg to be held because they are in such need of it.
After three months, everything is different. The baby starts to like it when mom does the habit of running to every squeak from the child, even though the child’s colic has already lessened or stopped being as frequent.
We can already discuss spoiledness at this age, and the longer parents put off weaning their child from their hands, the more challenging this process will be in the future.
To rock or not to rock
One the one hand, rocking is a newborn’s entirely normal physiological and habitual rhythm of movements; during his nine months in his mother’s womb, he did nothing but rock. However, there is no proof at all that a child needs to rock in any way after birth. Since the child is unable to rock himself, nature has offered nothing at all.
This implies that moms made up all the excuses for rocking their babies in order to satisfy their need to put them to sleep quickly so they could finally attend to their own needs.
Komarovsky asserts that rocking a child does not specifically harm them. Additionally, there is no benefit.
However, there is enormous harm that comes from rocking parents. Firstly, because a child who is used to having their arms rocked before bedtime will want this every single day, without fail. And as he gets older, the family’s life will descend into chaos as he demands his own with increasing persistence and desperation.
How to wean
In the unlikely event that the child has grown accustomed to being held, all of the advice given to parents regarding appropriate behavior with their newborn becomes obsolete. These parents need a recipe—exactly what has to be done—to get their child to stop requesting to be rocked and held.
Initially, Evgeny Komarovsky suggests that the parents attempt to de-stress, consume motherwort or valerian, muster their courage, and make a firm decision to stop rocking!
The child will be outraged, of course. and will scream incessantly, vehemently, and anguish-filled. But one must put up with this. Usually, it takes the baby two or three days to realize that yelling is not a strategy for getting what you want. even though it might take a while.
Try to divert the child’s attention. There’s a chance the baby will momentarily forget he needs to be held at all if, after being fed, changed, and placed in a playpen or crib, he starts to demand that his mother pick him up again, give him a bright toy, and put (put, hang) something very interesting nearby. These "pauses" will become more frequent over time.
Your child needs to learn how to take on more independence. It’s a better idea to put the toys down and get out of the room than to sit down next to him.
You can wean the baby off your hands more quickly if he learns to do things on his own. You can try to leave for a brief period of time if your mother’s departure is followed by a new round of screaming; stay in the same room and take care of yourself for a short while. It’s crucial to increase absence frequency gradually.
At this point, the most important thing to learn is that a child’s screams do not hurt them. Parents are particularly vulnerable because everything slips from their hands and their eyelids start to twitch. Additionally, the baby cannot scream incessantly because the baby will eventually fall asleep due to physiological demands for sleep. All you have to do is stay calm as a Spartan.
| Dr. Komarovsky"s Advice | Key Points |
| Understand the Need for Holding | Recognize that children often seek comfort from being held due to emotional needs or security. |
| Gradual Transition | Gradually reduce the amount of time spent holding the child to help them adjust slowly. |
| Offer Alternatives | Provide comfort through other means like a favorite toy or a blanket to ease the transition. |
| Consistency is Key | Be consistent with the new routine to help the child adapt and feel secure in the change. |
| Encourage Independence | Promote activities that foster independence and self-soothing to reduce reliance on being held. |
| Positive Reinforcement | Use positive reinforcement to reward the child for spending time without being held. |
When it comes to weaning a child off of being held all the time, Dr. Komarovsky emphasizes understanding and patience. He highlights that since children are inherently drawn to safety and comfort, it’s critical to provide them with options that both feel secure and promote independence.
By gradually introducing new activities that capture their attention, parents can help their children become more accustomed to spending time alone. During these times, praising and encouraging the child helps them feel more confident and shows them that they can function without constant holding.
In the end, it’s a procedure that calls for empathy and consistency. Parents can facilitate a smooth transition for their child and help them feel loved and cared for while also fostering independence by establishing boundaries and exhibiting a composed and encouraging demeanor.
