Gaslighting? There is no such thing, you made it up!

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and then started to doubt your own memory or reality? It’s possible that you were thinking, "Maybe I did misunderstand," or "Maybe I’m overreacting." This is frequently the result of gaslighting, an emotional manipulation technique that causes a victim to question their own thoughts and emotions.

Gaslighting occurs gradually, sometimes in such a subtle way that you aren’t even aware of it. The manipulator leaves you feeling perplexed, nervous, and self-conscious by denying or distorting the facts. It’s not merely a miscommunication; rather, it’s a calculated attempt to make you doubt your own reasoning.

You’re not alone if you’ve ever heard the saying, "There’s no such thing as gaslighting, you’re making it up." It’s a ploy to get you to wonder if the manipulation is actually happening. However, gaslighting is a real thing, and the first line of defense against its harmful effects is realizing when it occurs.

Why do some people say, "It never happened" instead of "I"m sorry" and what to do about it

One of the greatest movies ever directed and written by American filmmaker and screenwriter George Cukor was called "Gaslight" in its original tongue in 1944. The plot is pretty interesting: the husband uses various tricks to try and drive his wife insane, like hiding things, moving objects around, or dimming the gas lamp’s light. In the movie, everything works out in the end.

And in real life, stories like this happen far more frequently than you might think—even among those without a criminal history—and many victims are unaware that they are victims of highly sophisticated psychological abuse.

The term "gaslighting" originates from the film’s title, directed by Cukor.

Gaslighting: what is it?

According to psychology, gaslighting is a type of social parasitism and psychological violence. Its primary objective is to cause suffering and cause a victim to question the accuracy of their perception of the world by continuously making derogatory jokes, making false accusations, and intimidating them.

A person is intended to be doubtful of their own perceptions, feelings, and thoughts by a gaslighter.

How to recognize gaslighting

Go back and recall that you have most likely seen or taken part in similar circumstances.

• A and B agreed to meet on Saturday, A wrote it down in his calendar. B does not show up for the meeting and later claims that they agreed on Sunday, and A just has a bad memory.
• A and B discussed some situation, and A remembers it perfectly well, but B confidently claims that such a discussion did not take place.
• A is upset about some situation, but B persistently tries to convince him that there is no reason for upset, and A is just making up his own sorrows.
• B, A"s boss, assigns him a task. A does the work exactly as instructed, but B refuses to accept it, claiming that the task was set completely differently.
• A, pleased with his success in some matter, shares his joy with B, to which B immediately reports that A"s success is so insignificant that it is ridiculous to even talk about it seriously.
• Well, here"s a classic: A notices that her partner B is actively texting or calling his colleague, who spends the night sending him hearts, and B"s evenings are filled with overtime work, meetings, and work events. To the expressed complaints, B responds that A is simply a jealous hysteric who got God knows what into her head and is blowing a mountain out of a fictitious molehill.

Of course, these are not absolute cases of gaslighting; after all, mistakes can be made and jealousy is a possibility that shouldn’t be ruled out.

But if these circumstances keep happening, you should seriously consider whether your relationship with the person who makes you question your own sufficiency is still going well.

The situation becomes far from innocent if the gaslighter periodically disputes the events that have occurred, tries to cloud his victim’s perception and memories, makes her feel guilty through baseless accusations, or makes her doubt her emotions.

The victim gradually loses strength, is always doubtful, has a weak will, is defenseless, and is easily manipulated.

How can one spot gaslighting?

Exists A full series of expressions released by Gazlatera. If you hear them frequently, make inferences:

– It was your decision to take offense! – Avoid inventing! You’re overly perceptive! – I didn’t mean to cause you harm! I had no idea it would turn out well! You respond in an odd way! You believe you don’t need assistance? Folks who are normal wouldn’t do this! You’re far too envious! Absolutely, anyone can succeed! Sure, I’m able to use just one hand! Never took place! Sure, it doesn’t hurt; stop making stuff up! What the heck!

You cannot allow others to minimize the worth of your accomplishments, emotions, intellect, memory, or mind!

How to resist gaslighting

Gaslighting is not a random occurrence. The manipulator may cause your nervous system to become depleted, but you might not notice it right away. What should you do in the event that you still recognize that you are a victim of this psychological abuse?

• Listen to your feelings, they do not deceive. If you feel uncomfortable, stuffy, if you literally start to feel sick from communicating with a person, and want to quickly end the conversation – end it. Right away, and you can even do it without explanations.
• Do not allow them to hang the blame on you for something that you do not consider yourself guilty of. Do not agree with the accusations. Just leave such a dialogue.
• Think about the fact that any psychological manipulation is aimed at subjugating you and causing your reaction as a victim, gaslighters literally feed on this energy. Without your hyperreaction, confirming your obedience, any manipulation quickly becomes meaningless.
• Do not suppress your anger. Do not be afraid of conflicts and do not run away from them. Despite the negative energy of any conflict, it always contains a constructive force.
• Do not doubt your memory, feelings and sensations. If you feel you are right, do not allow yourself to doubt it, and especially not others.
• Do not try to take revenge on the manipulator. He may like this game, and you will be drawn into a web of lies, mutual accusations and proceedings.
• Do not believe anyone"s statements about your shaky mental health and ability to react sensibly to any events.
• Do not blame yourself if you cannot resist the manipulator. You just need to gain strength to make your choice about the need for this relationship for you.
• Try to expand your social circle. Do not avoid people, especially those not involved in common affairs with the manipulator. Other people are able to treat you adequately and instill confidence and strength in you.
• Do not forget about the possibility of professional help in any, even the most difficult, situation.

In a state of prolonged gaslighting, saving oneself is the common objective. Moreover, this is not a simile.

The majority of these situations call for ending communication. Psychologists advise running if you are able to do so. You cannot think of the relationships that are killing you as normal, and you cannot think of yourself as a lesser being with inadequate sense of reality. This carries a very high risk.

By denying things they’ve said or done, gaslighting is a type of emotional manipulation where someone manipulates you into doubting your own reality, leaving you perplexed and self-conscious. Saying "There’s no such thing, you made it up!" is a classic gaslighting technique used by someone to minimize your emotions and place the blame elsewhere. The first step to safeguarding your mental health and defending what you know to be true is recognizing this behavior.

If the gaslighters are your parents

It goes without saying that the advice to run as quickly and far as you can is excellent. So what should you do if that’s not feasible? It is possible to end a marriage, change jobs, and split up with a "friend." But what should you do, say, if your parents are the gaslighters and you are still a long way from adulthood?

• The child fell, cries, runs to his parents. “Oh, it’s okay, you’re not in pain, don’t cry!”,
• “And you’re not hot, you can’t be hot, put your hat back on”.

Really? Have you learned about this? Saying it out loud?

• “I learned to ride a bicycle? Well, it"s clear, at seven it"s high time, Masha has been skating for three years".
• "Dropped ice cream in the mud? Here you are crying! It"s just ice cream, we"re late, let"s go quickly!"
• "Broken knee? No big deal, it doesn"t hurt that much, big deal, I"ve broken them a thousand times, and nothing, I didn"t cry".

Granted that some kids are overly sensitive and require emotional restraint, this kind of response ought to be the exception rather than the standard method of dealing with the child. You shouldn’t use such severe manipulations, even if you want to somehow divert his attention and stop the development of his emotional response to what happened.

Parents most often employ gaslighting tactics unintentionally; it is improbable that anyone intentionally seeks to hurt a child. The go-to defense of ineffective teachers is "We grew up the same way, and we were raised that way."

"Don’t cry, or your mother will be angry." "Don’t scream; I’m embarrassed." "Don’t take it personally; he didn’t mean to damage your car." And now it appears that these feelings do not exist because the child no longer cries, screams, or takes offense. However, they are real. To be more precise, they continue to exist as long as the child is still conscious of them and has the ability to overcome them. However, if this kind of circumstance keeps happening, they won’t actually exist. An adult can easily break a child.

Let’s reconsider.

We hope to get the child to exhibit a specific behavior. We thus attempt to persuade him that his feelings are incorrect.

Will the intended behavior result from this? Maybe.

Will a child raised in this manner experience psychological issues? Indeed.

Even an adult who is continually having his memories, actions, and emotions questioned soon starts to have doubts about his worldview. An adult, however, already possesses some established beliefs and supports. A child will very quickly start to doubt himself if he is in pain and his parents—who he believes are the most important people in his life—say that it doesn’t hurt, doesn’t offend him, isn’t funny or sad, or that he remembers something different from what actually happened.

The child loses faith in his perceptions, ceases to feel what he wants, what is good for him and what is bad, ceases to realize his desires, becomes accustomed to relying on the opinions of others, and starts to follow their example.

A child who has been taught from an early age how to feel and even remember things will never be able to take responsibility for their actions or make their own decisions. It’s possible that he struggles with self-worth, forming relationships with kids and adults, learning, and world trust. All because the very pillars upon which the personality is constructed are compromised by such manipulations.

Even though your losses were a billion times more tragic than the child who dropped the ice cream, isn’t the price too high and perhaps it was worthwhile to feel sorry for them?

Although being gaslighted can be upsetting, it’s critical to recognize that gaslighting is a real and significant problem. It’s not just a word coined for dramatic effect; it refers to a pattern of behavior in which an individual coerces another individual into doubting their own reality or perception. The first step in dealing with this behavior is acknowledging it.

It’s critical to get help if you or someone you know is being gaslighted. Speak with dependable family members, friends, or experts who can offer support and validation. Keep in mind that knowing that gaslighting occurs can give you the confidence to set boundaries and ask for assistance.

In the end, stronger relationships and improved emotional wellbeing can result from recognizing and dealing with gaslighting. It’s a step toward taking back your identity and making sure that your emotions and perceptions are valued.

Video on the topic

How to recognize gaslighting | Psychologist Natalia Korneeva

"YOU"VE GONE CRAZY!" Gaslighting. Psychology of relationships

GASLIGHTING. How to maintain mental health in a relationship?

Gaslighter Phrases. 14.Why do you allow yourself to be treated like this… #shorts

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Gaslighting in everyday life seems so unnoticeable😈