Raising a school-age child involves many important responsibilities, one of which is teaching them to be independent. As kids get older, they must learn how to manage everyday responsibilities, make choices, and find independent solutions to issues. This helps them become more self-assured and ready for life’s obstacles.
A common concern among parents is finding the ideal balance between providing guidance and allowing their child to develop. Fostering independence doesn’t entail abandoning the child entirely; rather, it involves providing the appropriate level of guidance and support while letting them assume some responsibility.
In this post, we’ll look at doable strategies for helping your child become more independent, like assigning tasks that are appropriate for their age, encouraging them to make decisions, and providing an atmosphere where they can grow from their mistakes.
- The horror and chaos of school life
- Give your child a beautiful and convenient SAMPLE
- Eating an elephant in parts
- Video on the topic
- How to develop responsibility in a child. Raising children
- How to teach a child independence? How to cultivate responsibility in a child? Raising children
- How and when to start teaching children independence?
- How to develop independence in a child
- How to raise an independent child?
The horror and chaos of school life
The child went to school, having forgotten his pencil case and swimming trunks at home, had a late lunch at home and dangled his legs until the evening, then suddenly grabbed his homework (discovering that he had not written down the assignments for a couple of subjects), hastily packed his backpack and climbed into bed an hour and a half later than he should have. A familiar picture? If not, you can be congratulated! – you are a rare species among parents of schoolchildren. And most moms and dads have been waving the carrot and stick for years to teach their child to be independent. But let"s figure everything out in order. First, is childish carelessness and forgetfulness normal? – psychologists answer: yes! In most cases, children need a lot of time to learn to cope with their responsibilities on their own. The formation of this skill continues until the age of 13-15, and this is a normal human process. After all, we are organisms, not mechanisms, our life is smooth and flexible, it is very dependent on external conditions and does not always fit neatly into the framework and cells. And children – especially spontaneous and disorganized, and it is not for nothing that a road sign is always placed near schools: “Caution, children!" – this is another reminder to adults that we must teach our offspring to be attentive and control themselves for a long time and patiently. In addition, much depends on heredity and the characteristics of the nervous system of a small person, experts say. If mom or dad "caught crows" and lost notebooks in childhood, then the child will not be able to demonstrate miracles of self-organization. Then the second question arises: how, after all, to accustom a child to organization and independence? And here, first of all, we must remember that regardless of the type of nervous system and the tendency to creative chaos, organization is a skill that can be put. In other words, we can install software called “Self-control and discipline” into our child’s body. But unpacking and installing this software will take some time and maybe the package will not install the first time. Although with persistence on our part, everything will work out. Parents sometimes fall into two extremes. First extreme: let everything slide, “throw the child into the water so that he learns to swim”. In this case, the parents’ participation in the child’s school life is minimal (go to meetings, sign the diary), the child does everything herself – and she herself has to deal with the consequences of her forgetfulness. In such a situation, the child can “swim out”, or he can get stuck for a long time, running into a pile of problems that seem insoluble to him. With this approach, parents are sometimes driven by intense employment, and very often by the terrifying idea that “if I babysit him, he will NEVER learn to organize himself!» The other extreme – to control the child in everything, help him wake up, have breakfast, take him to school, persistently study lessons with him and monitor school assignments, worry about bad and bad grades more than the student himself. Parents act "with the best intentions", but here there is a risk that the child will become so accustomed to support and constant prodding that it will be difficult for him to take responsibility for his studies (and in the long term – his life) and exercise conscious SELF-control. And, probably, somewhere between these extremes lies the golden mean that is right for your family.
Give your child a beautiful and convenient SAMPLE
In cognitive psychology, there is a clear layout: in order for a child to learn self-control, he simply needs a standard. Such a model of desirable and encouraged behavior, which he will look up to. The child will compare himself with this model and gradually develop his self-control: he will learn to plan his work to achieve the model, and then check himself, whether he reproduced the model well and how to do better next time. And we, parents, together with teachers, must provide this standard to the child, because otherwise he will take a sample from the street, TV or VKontakte. How to do this? * Parents themselves must be fairly organized people. It is important that the child sees and knows that there is a place for order and discipline in parental life: mom and dad know how to make an effort and do their work and other responsibilities (cook dinners for the family, keep the house clean – all these are also pluses in favor of self-control). * The child should have an orderly space for study maneuvers: a table or desk for lessons, shelves and drawers for books and notebooks, a place in the closet for school clothes, an alarm clock, a telephone, food for breakfast and lunch in the refrigerator. * Parents, following the teachers, need to regularly prompt the child: what, when and how to do it conveniently so that everything goes well with his studies . * And you need to not only tell and prompt “what is good and what is bad”, but also help the child adhere to the “good” line, remind them of the necessary actions, stimulate and encourage. And, of course, praise. * And not only help, remind and praise, but also pay attention to the consequences of good actions: “Look, you learned your lessons early – the whole evening was free, great? You prepared well in English – and everything was clear to you in class, nice? You stopped forgetting your pencil case – and you no longer have to ask the kids for pens and pencils, convenient, right?”
Eating an elephant in parts
The child is trying to control himself, and all this time we control the child. And we control how he controls himself! – and in order not to get confused at all, you can use one convenient method, psychologists recommend. So: it is very difficult to fix everything, at once and forever, the psyche simply gives in to such an impossible task. It is much easier and more realistic to change in parts. * Make a list of “problem areas” in your child’s educational life in order to correct them with special attention. For example: a child does not know how to get up to an alarm clock, forgets to write down homework and sits down to do homework too late. Great, let"s get down to business. * In the general flow of everyday life, you begin to especially carefully stimulate the child in these three areas, so that at least under your control these problems disappear. It may take 2-3 weeks to establish YOUR habit of control. And in the meantime, the child will feel that his life is getting organized. * After that, choose one, the simplest task from the list and discuss with the child how he could do it himself? For example, get up and get ready in the morning on his own. Maybe you need a louder alarm clock? Or set it 10 minutes earlier? Or buy special yogurts, fruits, cheese, kefir for breakfast, so that the child will happily manage in the kitchen? No sooner said than done, try to honestly give the child responsibility for this specific task and observe: is he able to take this responsibility? Observe closely, steer and help a little so that control over this area actually passes to the child. On your conscience will now be not the morning preparations for school, but the supply of cheese and kefir to the refrigerator. If in this area in the future there are any mistakes and shortcomings – and this happens, be prepared! – you will just need to support the child and help him restore HIS self-control in this area. Well, maybe replace fruit with muesli. And praise, praise. * As soon as you see that one direction has been fully worked out, and responsibility for it has passed into the hands of the child, cross out this item from your list with a pink marker and add something new, relevant, for example: “Always forgets to charge the phone”. * Give the child a short break and time to adapt, and then ingratiatingly approach him with a new creative suggestion from the list: “And what would help you always write down your homework. ” The cycle repeats. Just don"t rush too much, the slower you go, the further you will get, and drop by drop even a stone wears away.
| Aspect | Description |
| Set simple tasks | Start with small, manageable tasks like packing their own school bag. |
| Encourage decision-making | Allow your child to make choices, such as what to wear or what snack to eat. |
| Create a routine | Establish daily routines, so they know what to expect and can follow them independently. |
| Teach problem-solving | Help them think through challenges instead of solving problems for them. |
| Praise effort | Encourage their attempts, even if the result isn’t perfect, to build confidence. |
It takes time, patience, and understanding to teach a child to be independent. You can help them develop self-confidence by assigning them little jobs and responsibilities. It’s critical to provide assistance while letting them find solutions on their own.
It’s important to trust your child to make decisions, even if they don’t always turn out as planned, in order to foster independence. These encounters have taught them priceless lessons that will aid in their development and future problem-solving.
Establishing an atmosphere that encourages self-reliance as parents will assist your child in gaining vital life skills and position them for success in school and beyond.
Developing a child’s sense of responsibility, self-worth, and problem-solving abilities is essential to helping them become independent as they enter school. Encourage them to take on responsibilities gradually, such as helping with basic household chores or organizing their schoolwork, and be there to provide support and direction when needed. This strategy lays the groundwork for future independence by boosting their self-assurance and decision-making skills.
