The child does not obey at 4 years old: advice from a psychologist

Parents of four-year-olds frequently experience feelings of being up against a small tornado of disobedience and obstinacy. Children at this age are testing boundaries and becoming more independent, which can result in frequent arguments with their caregivers. You’re not the only parent who struggles when their child seems to be defying you or not wanting to cooperate.

Gaining insight into your child’s behavior can help you better handle these difficult situations. It’s frequently a developmental stage where they are discovering their independence and learning how to communicate their wants and feelings. You can help them through this phase and aid in their improvement of listening and obedience skills by using the appropriate techniques and exercising some patience.

Child psychologists provide helpful tips in this article to help you get through this challenging time. These advice, which ranges from understanding your child’s behavior to using effective communication techniques, should help make raising a four-year-old a little easier and more manageable.

Reasons

A common mistake made by parents is to assume that their four-year-old child will stop obeying. This is how a baby learns how dangerous adult warnings really are. This enables him to comprehend the boundaries of his tolerance and the degree to which his parents’ commands can be followed incorrectly.

You cannot allow the child to persist in their disobedience, as this will make it more difficult for them to adjust to life as an adult. You must convey to the infant that all demands—even the most seemingly severe ones—must be met without reservation.

A child’s development enters a new stage at the age of four. Youngsters begin to exhibit the beginnings of meaningful behavior, which enables them to consider the implications of their choices.

What to do?

At four years old, a child is already old enough to make decisions on their own and asks for permission to take advantage of this chance. Children are frequently pushed toward disobedience by their parents’ commands because they feel more dependent on them than independent.

Every rule that parents set for their home needs to be clear to the child and easy for them to understand.

Talking to the baby in a calm voice and excluding all screaming and hysterics from the conversation is advised. This makes it simpler to explain to the child that parents should be given their full attention. I suggest having a heart-to-heart conversation and listening to both parties’ viewpoints rather than giving a severe reprimand.

Investigating the child’s disobedience can be aided by having a talk with them. It’s possible that his actions stem from his incapacity to follow instructions rather than any disinterest on his part. That is the reason it is crucial to know what is going on before disciplining your child.

Punishment

Punishment is meted out if the child refuses to comply and neither adult discussion nor adult persuasion works. Parents will occasionally go from yelling to using force without realizing that this will only exacerbate the situation.

Not only will such actions not resolve the issue, but they will also irritate or worse, offend the child, leading to more disobedience. However, misbehaving shouldn’t go unchecked. However, in any case, employing the proper technique and applying psychological influence as a form of punishment is preferable to using physical force.

What matters most is that the child should comprehend the purpose of his punishment. Keep in mind that frequent "scolding" has no effect and develops into a habit. Never discipline a child in the heat of the moment; the outcomes of this "education" can be erratic and not always favorable.

A child’s disobedient behavior is justified when they are 4 years old. The infant is a bit of a rebel at this age, always trying to maintain his independence. Viewed from a different angle, though, these acts are merely a means of drawing attention that the child does not receive.

Remind yourself five times as often to praise your disobedient baby as to punish them. When a child hears parents compliment him, he will want to hear it even more, which will lead to the necessary improvement in his behavior.

Prohibitions

Four-year-olds need to be reminded on a regular basis of what is and is not acceptable. The infant starts to learn about morality and behavior norms at this point.

"No" is a word that should not be used frequently. Numerous restrictions can shackle the infant and hinder his cognitive development.

The requirements should be clear-cut and concise for kids this age:

• it is forbidden to run away from adults on the road – it is risky;
• it is forbidden to offend animals – they are alive;
• it is forbidden to bite – it is bad.

Of course, the list of forbidden behaviors is not limited; after all, each situation is unique and contingent upon the pillars of one’s family. Remember this: everyone living in the home needs to be aware of and abide by the rules.

Psychologist"s advice

Children frequently ignore their parents’ instructions, and their disobedience persists. Let’s imagine that the child ruins books, won’t tidy up his toys, and won’t get ready to go somewhere. How should one act in this circumstance? The following course of action is appropriate in every situation.

1. To begin with, you should say that this is prohibited, and allow the child to correct his behavior on his own.
2. If he does not stop misbehaving, you need to warn him that he will be punished. The punishment options can be different – for example, cancellation of street attractions, a ban on watching cartoons. It is important not to use delayed punishments. At the end of the week, the child may forget about his misbehavior.
3. If this measure does not work on your child, then you need to inform him about the punishment, reinforcing it with the words: “Okay, you throw things around, so we will not go play in the sandbox in the evening”.
4. Probably, after two hours the child will not remember the punishment. Repeat to him why he is being punished in a calm voice – without gloating: “During the day you behaved badly, threw things, and this is not allowed. That"s why we don"t go to the sandbox".

It is never appropriate for you to give in. At this point, feeling sorry for someone will only make things worse. The child may cry or make requests, but you should ignore them. Now that he’s persuaded you, he will misbehave going forward, and you will lose your power. Do you want the kid to pay attention to what you think?

Psychologists advise against raising a child and instead focusing only on their misbehavior. When their kids misbehave, some mothers and fathers choose not to talk to them. This can’t happen. It is wrong to rob someone of their love, even if you can punish them fairly.

One more thing to consider: should you reconsider the situation if your child is not obeying you? Perhaps it isn’t worth it, and your demand is unnecessary? Allow the child to make his own decisions, and perhaps he will stop resisting you and comply with your requests without question.

Developmental activities

It is best to plan activities for children ages three to four well in advance, ideally a week beforehand. In this manner, you can ensure that the infant is not overburdened and that you have ample time to prepare for all the significant moments in the child’s life. The child’s attendance at kindergarten must be the main consideration when creating a weekly schedule. If the child spends the entire day in kindergarten, the following factors need to be considered:

• The child in kindergarten participates in developmental activities every day and regularly receives physical activity;
• Your classes will only be held in the evening and on weekends;
• You should not plan active events for the evening;
• You do not have much time in the evening, so you can make plans for a maximum of two classes;
• You need to clarify what program is used with the child in kindergarten, so as not to repeat it, but to competently supplement it;
• For a child who does not attend kindergarten, the schedule of classes will be more voluminous. The plan of classes is drawn up taking into account the existing skills and interests of the child.

Although it can be upsetting, a 4-year-old child’s lack of listening is a typical stage of development. Children are learning independence and pushing boundaries at this age, which can result in defiant behavior. Psychologists advise remaining composed, enforcing boundaries, and employing positive reinforcement when dealing with disobedience. It’s crucial to approach discipline with patience and to put more of an emphasis on understanding your child’s feelings than on punishing them severely.

Tips

Play is the primary activity at this age. If your child is active and restless, sports can be a great solution for him. Some sports sections open enrollment as early as age 4. This kind of exercise trains and disciplines a variety of skills.

All that is required are lots of praise and enough attention. Even though the child is now older, he still requires his parents.

Going to the movies, the circus, or other similar establishments would be a fantastic option for a four-year-old. Initially, it is not advisable to purchase tickets for the front rows.

Children ask many questions every day, so parents need to be wise and patient. Even if he is ignorant, do not decline to respond. Together, we can find the answer to pique children’s curiosity. It’s a good idea to begin learning foreign languages at the age of 4. Teaching should be done in a lighthearted manner.

It’s normal for four-year-olds to push boundaries and show their independence. Parents who approach these challenges with patience and empathy are better able to understand that this behavior is a normal part of development. Managing defiant behavior can be greatly improved by putting techniques like regular routines, clear communication, and positive reinforcement into practice.

Keep in mind that each child is different, so what suits one might not suit another. It’s critical to maintain your adaptability and be willing to change course when necessary. Developing a solid, loving bond with your child can promote a more respectful and cooperative dynamic.

You can confidently help your child through this stage by remaining composed, laying out clear expectations, and showing them support. You should be able to enjoy a more peaceful home atmosphere and observe favorable behavioral changes in them with some time and persistent effort.

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